What Matters More: the Medal or Your Child’s Future?

Full article in English · Original author text

If your child walks out of the hall without a medal, how do you know they’ve improved? A medal matters, but it doesn’t show the whole path of growth. Next to the result, I also look at the quality of decisions, how well a skill is executed, and independence. In this article, we’ll look at how to go all out for the win while getting a clearer read on your child’s long-term future in the sport. When my students and I won the Chinese national championships, the joy of that success meant a lot to me too. Still, my next question is about the future: what skills need to be built so the next success has something solid behind it? The way I see an athlete’s development doesn’t stop at that day’s podium.

Who is this article for?

This piece is for parents of beginner and teenage fencers, and for coaches in all three weapons; the technical example comes from épée. At developing ages, competition experience, differences in physical maturity, the level of opponents, and the luck of the draw all affect the result. So two medals from two different events don’t necessarily show two equal performances. A better question is: in a similar situation, what better decision did the athlete make compared with before?

Why does the result alone mislead us?

Imagine a fencer who beats inexperienced opponents with the same attack over and over. They might win a medal and still not have learned to change their plan. Another fencer loses to a stronger opponent, but reads the distance better and corrects themselves after a tactical mistake.

The first fencer’s result is better, but the second one’s evidence of learning deserves to be seen too. Neither of them should be boiled down to a label like “talented” or “has no future.” I suggest setting three separate goals: a result goal , like getting out of the group stage; a performance goal , like cutting down on attacks with no preparation; and a learning goal , like noticing how an opponent reacts to a point threat. The athlete has more control over the last two. This split doesn’t mean winning doesn’t matter. It helps us build skills you can rely on in order to win.

Teaching scenario: a medal without learning, or learning alongside competing?

In épée, a fencer attacks from a distance where the tip can’t reach the target without overstretching the body. The opponent steps back and scores with a counterattack. Telling them “go faster” could make the same mistake worse. First, distance control needs fixing, meaning adjusting the distance based on what the two fencers can actually reach. After that, look at timing , meaning choosing the right moment relative to the opponent’s movement. If at the next competition the fencer first sets the distance, sees the opponent’s retreat, and stops the wrong attack, that’s real, specific progress, even if the final result hasn’t changed yet. In foil and sabre, the analysis has to go beyond distance: it also has to look at the order of the actions and who has right of way.

A shared exercise for coach, parent, and player

For two weeks, make a sheet with three columns: “My decision,” “What I noticed,” and “Next step.” After each session, log just one example. The player writes what they saw; the coach comments on technical accuracy; the parent only asks what support is needed to take the next step. This sheet shouldn’t turn into a report card used to call anyone to account. In a full-gear épée drill, two fencers do three two-minute rounds. The defender may step back or hold their ground. The attacker first gets information with a small foot movement and a point threat, then decides whether to attack or rebuild the distance. Alongside the official score, the coach counts the decisions that matched the opponent’s reaction. This count is only a teaching tool and doesn’t change the rules of competition. The sign of success is making more correct decisions in similar situations; simply scoring more isn’t enough. If the player always avoids attacking because of the training score, the drill has become too cautious. The coach should create chances where a prepared attack is the right choice. After a few rounds, lift the training constraint so you can see whether the skill carries over into free bouts.

Three mistakes and how to fix them

1. Mistake: comparing your child with a teammate. It ignores that kids grow at different speeds. Fix: compare the athlete with their own past performance instead. 2. Mistake: rewarding only medals. It makes less visible skills seem worthless. Fix: give specific feedback on decisions and effort. 3. Mistake: saying “the result doesn’t matter at all.” This shrinks your child’s competitive experience too. Fix: accept that losing hurts, and next to that, look at the evidence of learning.

When the results table doesn’t tell the whole story

Picture your child coming out of the hall with no medal, looking for your reaction before you’ve said a word. In those few seconds, you can show that you took the competition seriously and that you still have time to understand their experience. I like the first question to open up the conversation: “Where today were you able to do something you’d practiced?” This isn’t an invitation to relabel a loss as a win. It’s a search for information the scoreboard doesn’t show.

For example, a teenager who used to rush after taking two hits paused this time and rebuilt the distance. Maybe they don’t yet have the skill to turn the result around, but now we have a behavior we can teach. If we only log the ranking, this change disappears. If we only praise this change and

ignore the technical weakness, the assessment is still incomplete. The coach’s job is to put these two pictures side by side.

How do we measure progress with evidence?

For any skill, I ask three questions: Does the player understand it? Do they execute it in practice? Do they choose it in free bouts too? Being able to explain distance control isn’t the same as doing it. And doing it well against an opponent who always retreats still doesn’t show the athlete is ready for one who reacts unpredictably. These steps help parents set realistic expectations and ask the coach for a precise report. On the assessment sheet, write: out of five fitting opportunities, how many times was the starting distance of the attack chosen correctly? Note the number of opportunities as well; three successes out of four opportunities isn’t the same as three out of fifteen. These numbers are just samples, and their value comes from comparing fairly similar conditions. We’re not turning a child into a percentage. If keeping track of numbers makes practice feel heavy, a short description of the same situation is enough.

Choosing competitions is part of the teaching

Every event should have a clear reason in the plan. A local competition can be a chance to try a new skill; a tougher event can show which decision still doesn’t hold up under pressure. Constantly entering competitions where the player wins without changing tactics gives limited information. Sending them one after another into competitions far beyond their readiness doesn’t necessarily create growth either. The level of challenge should fit the learning goal. Before registering, ask the coach about the purpose of the event, your child’s current readiness, and the practice time available afterward. Travel costs, school, and family time are real too. A good plan isn’t just a calendar full of competitions; it links competing experience with a chance to correct. If two events are very close together, be clear about which small change is actually doable and what expectation should carry over to the next period.

Independence: the skill a medal doesn’t show

Can the teenager organize their weapon and body cord, find their strip number, and ask the coach a clear question? These behaviors seem small, but they free up attention for the main job. Don’t hand over responsibility all at once. First do the task together, next time stay beside them, and then let them do it on their own. For a younger child, the share of responsibility should be short and clear. The same path works in technical discussions. Instead of the coach giving a ready-made answer after every touch, they can first ask the player to describe the opponent’s reaction. If the read was wrong, the coach helps them see the right cue. The goal isn’t to leave the athlete on their own; it’s to build the ability to think at moments when nobody else can decide for them.

What should the end-of-month conversation look like?

Pick three examples: a situation that got better, a problem that keeps repeating, and a skill that just entered training. First listen to the teenager’s take, then add the coach’s view. If parent and coach see things differently, look at one specific scene instead of getting into a general argument about the child’s “seriousness” or “talent.” A difference in what people observed can be settled with clearer information. At the end, set just one priority for next month. It might be starting the attack from the right distance; it might be managing the school and training schedule. Both can affect sporting growth. If

your child can say, in their own words, what they’ll be working on and who they’ll ask for help, you’ve gone from a vague assessment to a plan you can actually carry out. The American Academy of Pediatrics’ guide for parents also stresses that children grow at different speeds [1]. To make use of this point, write the date and conditions of each observation next to the result; comparing different competitions without that context can create the wrong expectations.

Frequently asked questions

Should we drop the medal goal? No. Keep it next to the two goals you can control, and don’t tie your child’s personal worth to achieving it. How often should we review progress? A short weekly review and a broader assessment after a few weeks is a good starting point; the number of competitions and the player’s age are what decide it. What if we don’t see any change over several competitions? Go over training quality, whether the opponents’ level is a good fit, and fatigue with the coach. Automatically adding more training isn’t a precise answer.

Wrap-up and next step

Now you can see your child’s progress through a clearer sign than the color of a medal. For the next competition, choose one result goal and one performance goal, and after the event, look at the evidence for both. This step makes your assessment more accurate and your support more effective. To line up the goal with the training schedule, read the article “More Training Doesn’t Always Mean More Progress.”

Sources and further reading

[1] AAP — Parenting an Athlete